i was born a porn star she said
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
