Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
