Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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