This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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