i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
FUCK WHALES
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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