I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to calm my uterus...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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