and you said cock pushups were impossible
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
