She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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