I am in a vortex of obligation.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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