his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
