That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Porn is love you can see.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
