i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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