Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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