I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
