Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude i'm inner monologue high
In America we eat man semen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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