After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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