It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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