I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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