dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
