you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
