While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
