put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
