I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
