you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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