Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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