he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize