i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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