I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
