Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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