I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Help. Why am I so naked?
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