new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
