Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
