It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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