i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
