it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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