I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
