so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found a bag of teeth...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
