No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
