The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
