Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
