Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
