I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
