dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
