Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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