allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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