i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
