I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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