it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
