call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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