So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
