I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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