Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
