Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
