Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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