For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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