even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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