It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
