finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
