3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize