Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize