i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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