I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
