Im at strip club and am horny
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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