how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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