OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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