Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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